“John, as soon as your show is over it’s time for your bath. I bought new shampoo; I want you looking extra great for your class pictures tomorrow.”
Quiz. Is John in?
A- Fourth Grade
B- Eighth Grade
C- Eleventh Grade
Having trouble with the answer? Think HAIR.
Answer: A. [By high school, the teen has trained his parents to know that he can and will take care of his own hair. Not C. By the middle school years, vanity has set in; he has already begun to obsess over his own hair and how he looks to others. Certainly not B. That leaves only elementary school where the show’s the thing, not the hair -- after all, isn’t that what parents are for?]
Hair defines adolescence.
Hair. And more hair. It sprouts from the joints. Where the arms join the body and where the legs come together. Though it itches, it’s new – and it’s secret. Mom can’t see it. It’s all mine and mine alone. When I’m alone I’ll pet it; in the shower I’ll froth it. It’s mine, all mine.
Hair. And it spreads – up and down my legs. Can it be? Even a bit under my nose? And then, suddenly, it’s a badge, a statement. “Johnny, what’s that I see growing there. Need a shave? Naw, just bring the cat in to lick it off.” Suddenly I’m being kidded about hair. Hair! Would you believe it? Do you think she’ll notice? No you fool, not mom!
Hair. It came with friends. Bumps and lumps of marvelous dimension. Breasts, biceps, penis, feet, and height. Nothing sprouts backwards – it all points towards the future and new heights. And, it all began with hair. And, it’s all me, so much of me.
Hair. I own it. Some of it’s secret –though I think they know. I wash it; I love it. I comb it up, and I comb it over. The mirror has become my new best friend … and critic. This way? No, I need to get it cut. Like Damon’s? Or perhaps Tim? Should I cut it short for soccer? No, I like the way it feels when I run. I am so Wow when it flops forward as I head the ball into the goal. And how it drips after the game. It shimmers – and she loves it, she loves my sweat – even if she doesn’t want to get too close. She loves the way I shine; it’s so hot after a game, I just have to pull off my shirt. Sooooo hot!
Hair. It’s all about the “I”. Count them in the paragraph above. Fourteen of them; fourteen confirmations that I exist. And the cheers! What a crowd. (Even mom and dad came.) But so did she. She! She noticed; she waved, she cheered… and I’ll see her after I shower.
Hair. It’s all about control; it’s power. I shape it. I take care of it. I make my own decisions, not mom, not dad. No matter how much they complain. It’s mine; perhaps I’ll get a Mohawk that’ll really freak them out. Dad’s just jealous anyway; he wishes he had my hair, even any hair.
Hair. I’ll pull it back for soccer, let it hang down for the party, part it nicely for church with mom and dad, and later, when I meet Sam and the others for some basketball, well who cares. Though, Sam’s new crew sure looks weird.
Hair. I’ve a secret life and a public life; and I think about both. All the time. I can make it happen. I can do it. Get it. Hair-do! Well hair does. It does the trick. Not the same all the time, depends on which world I’m in. Some times I’m in my “yes-mam” school world; or my “oh-shit” world with the guys, or the “sweet” world with her (remember her, you met her at the game), or the “see-you-later” world with the rents. So many worlds! And I juggle them all. “John, watch your language. I heard you and your friends after the game. I’m going to talk to your coach!” “No you’re not mom.” Juggling. Sometimes the balls collide and I rush to catch them before they fall, but then I get them up again, swirling high above my hair, higher, smoother. I’m so great. Oops missed that one! All over the floor, in front of all my friends. I feel like puke; like all my hair just fell out.
Adolescence. Give it up as a term! How about hirsute instead?
Friday, March 27, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Schechter Regional High School: A Chapter in Leadership History
While headmaster at Cape Fear Academy (NC), I developed a few theories about how to teach high school students in way that would prepare them for leadership. The founding trustees of a new Conservative Jewish school in Bergen County, New Jersey offered me the opportunity to concretize my ideas and supported me with unfailing enthusiasm, a brilliant partner, and several million dollars; together we developed a school whose mission was
To prepare young men and women for a lifetime of individual accomplishment, Jewish commitment and community leadership.
Note the important last phrase, “community leadership;” that was my specialty. Rhonda Rosenheck, my very equal co-head of school, brought her expertise in Jewish education. Together with a wonderfully fine faculty, we helped each student reach his and her own high level of individual accomplishment. Among Rhonda’s many talents was her ability to encourage others, in my case through her suggestion that I bring our story to the upcoming Melton Center conference on Jewish Education, scheduled at Hebrew University, Jerusalem, the summer of 2006.
After the conference, some of the papers were gathered and published under the title of Jewish Day Schools, Jewish Communities: A Reconsideration, edited by Alex Pomson and Howard Deitcher.
My chapter, through a series of anecdotes, describes how Schechter Regional High School’s signature technique, the Town Meeting, worked to develop leadership.
The book is finally available from Littman publications (UK) as part of the Littman Library of Jewish Civilization.
ISBN 9878-1-90413-74-7 $24.95
To prepare young men and women for a lifetime of individual accomplishment, Jewish commitment and community leadership.
Note the important last phrase, “community leadership;” that was my specialty. Rhonda Rosenheck, my very equal co-head of school, brought her expertise in Jewish education. Together with a wonderfully fine faculty, we helped each student reach his and her own high level of individual accomplishment. Among Rhonda’s many talents was her ability to encourage others, in my case through her suggestion that I bring our story to the upcoming Melton Center conference on Jewish Education, scheduled at Hebrew University, Jerusalem, the summer of 2006.
After the conference, some of the papers were gathered and published under the title of Jewish Day Schools, Jewish Communities: A Reconsideration, edited by Alex Pomson and Howard Deitcher.
My chapter, through a series of anecdotes, describes how Schechter Regional High School’s signature technique, the Town Meeting, worked to develop leadership.
The book is finally available from Littman publications (UK) as part of the Littman Library of Jewish Civilization.
ISBN 9878-1-90413-74-7 $24.95
Monday, March 2, 2009
Living On Your Radio
For those of us who love it, country music frequently nails life’s mysteries with just the right parable. Toby Keith, in “How do you like me now?” spins the tale of a man and a women looking back at their formative high school years. How they developed their own world view influenced the outcome of their adult lives. She epitomized what official schooldom held dear: well behaved, popular, and a model student, even graduating valedictorian. Keith’s video even portrays her as the friend-sheltered cheerleader, a southern image of respectability and glamour. The boy on the other hand lives by different rules. From her point of view, he is not only socially awkward (totally uncool) but he publicly humiliates her by writing her name on the most sacred of Southern icons, the football field, as if it were no better than the smudged wall behind the payphone in some dive. He makes lousy decisions, at least according to his would-be girl friend, and we suspect the school’s administration.
I was always the crazy one
I broke into the stadium
And I wrote your number on the 50 yard line
You were always the perfect one
And the valedictorian so
Under your number I wrote "call for a good time"
Just a bit piqued, she never made the call. Instead she plays out her own story, lives by the rules of the kingdom, and wins the prince. All ends happily ever after? Except that it doesn’t.
Then you married into money girl
Ain't it a cruel and funny world?
He took your dreams and tore them apart.
Only a poet can say so much in so few words.
The boy frames his life story much differently. He follows his music straight to Nashville, perhaps even to the Grand Ole Opry, the most acclaimed venue in all of country music except for one, the radio were songs are played over and over again. He succeeds. He leads the music charts.
When I took off to Tennessee
I heard that you made fun of me
Never imagined I'd make it this far
And later…
He never comes home
And you’re always alone
And your kids hear you cryin down the hall
Alarm clock starts ringin
Who could that be singin
It's me baby, with your wake up call!
Could her teachers have predicted this outcome? Whereas the princess gained a pampered but lonely kingdom; the outcast gained fame. His story runs counter to accepted wisdom. Perhaps accepted wisdom is wrong – or perhaps leadership development has its own wisdom. Do leaders have to act differently? If so, is it because they develop differently? Toby Keith’s song suggests, as does country music as a whole, that the high school years present conflicting sets of values. Certainly country music lauds the hero/ heroine image, but it also gets great play out of the attraction of bad boys (and bad girls). Here, however, the boy seems neither the honored student council president, nor the testosterone hyped, truck driving, football quarterback. He loves his music; it provides meaning and focus and, ultimately, fame. Country music also traditionally applauds young people who follow their vision, the dreams that sing in their heads. With his guitar slung across his shoulder, he makes it to Tennessee and then on to her radio. Note his dig; she may have silenced his voice but not his singing, the first thing she hears each morning.
(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOkhqxaKqVs )
Should the elite intellectuals snob-down this genre as a true well of human commentary, I suggest they re-read their Shakespeare: Hal, the rapscallion youth, went on as Henry IV to rescue England from the Hundred Years War, thanks in great part to his adolescent bar-and-brothel wisdom. Both Romeo and Juliet played out their adolescent acquired roles to the sadness of their families. An even worse sadness plagued Hamlet, who never moved out of adolescence.
Science, relying on more than anecdote and parable (despite my own special thanks to Toby Keith) reached the same conclusions through the field of neurobiology, brain research. Thanks to the MRI and other non invasive techniques, scientists, who can now watch brains evolve, note that the brain changes over time. Prior to adolescence, most of the brain had fully formed, but here’s the kicker, except for the prefrontal cortex. This portion of the brain, its frontal lobe, controls learning and socialization. The maturing of the prefrontal cortex determines how adults organize plans and ideas, form strategies, control impulses, and allocate attention. These sound mighty necessary for leaders. By the time individuals has reached their late twenties, their brains have finished maturing. This most important tool has fully formed well before the period of time studied by modern researchers. His adolescent years did more than begin Lincoln’s biography, they shaped the outcome. Great events rest on how we educators help prospective leaders shape their stories.
Amazon.com lists 321,535 titles containing the key word “leadership.” Most of these books fall into two categories: studies of leadership patterns among adults; and self-help adult leadership books (teens tend to scorn self-help books.) When I narrowed my Amazon search to “adolescent leadership” or “teen leadership,” the combined number of books represented only one fifth of one percent of all the books listed in this field. If these books were stacked side to side down the center line of a high school track, with all the adolescent/teen leadership books arranged first, a runner would not even get back to the starting line before the books ran out. On the other hand the she would be lapped 240 times by the runner dedicated to completing the full collection. The field of leadership development grows each year, but, unfortunately, almost all of this is wasted on adult centered research, having little deep affect on how leaders act.
Those who end up “Living in your radio,” on the cover of Time magazine, or sitting in Congress did so because of the basic habits of mind that were cemented in place during high school. Can we determine even general leadership predictors? Can we throw away the self-help books and provide assistance where it really can do some good?
I argue that researchers need to shift their focus to where leadership forms; to paraphrase another parable (Luke 8:4-15) it is not the nature of the seed, nor what the mature plant looks like no matter how many followers nest among its branches; but rather how and where it is planted. Hamlet got trampled; Juliet choked among the thorns, Henry grew and brought forth the fruit of the Tudors. As an educator, I want to know how and what truly makes the difference: I have the seed how do I help it grow into the greatness it can become.
Never again will he or she be an adolescent!
I was always the crazy one
I broke into the stadium
And I wrote your number on the 50 yard line
You were always the perfect one
And the valedictorian so
Under your number I wrote "call for a good time"
Just a bit piqued, she never made the call. Instead she plays out her own story, lives by the rules of the kingdom, and wins the prince. All ends happily ever after? Except that it doesn’t.
Then you married into money girl
Ain't it a cruel and funny world?
He took your dreams and tore them apart.
Only a poet can say so much in so few words.
The boy frames his life story much differently. He follows his music straight to Nashville, perhaps even to the Grand Ole Opry, the most acclaimed venue in all of country music except for one, the radio were songs are played over and over again. He succeeds. He leads the music charts.
When I took off to Tennessee
I heard that you made fun of me
Never imagined I'd make it this far
And later…
He never comes home
And you’re always alone
And your kids hear you cryin down the hall
Alarm clock starts ringin
Who could that be singin
It's me baby, with your wake up call!
Could her teachers have predicted this outcome? Whereas the princess gained a pampered but lonely kingdom; the outcast gained fame. His story runs counter to accepted wisdom. Perhaps accepted wisdom is wrong – or perhaps leadership development has its own wisdom. Do leaders have to act differently? If so, is it because they develop differently? Toby Keith’s song suggests, as does country music as a whole, that the high school years present conflicting sets of values. Certainly country music lauds the hero/ heroine image, but it also gets great play out of the attraction of bad boys (and bad girls). Here, however, the boy seems neither the honored student council president, nor the testosterone hyped, truck driving, football quarterback. He loves his music; it provides meaning and focus and, ultimately, fame. Country music also traditionally applauds young people who follow their vision, the dreams that sing in their heads. With his guitar slung across his shoulder, he makes it to Tennessee and then on to her radio. Note his dig; she may have silenced his voice but not his singing, the first thing she hears each morning.
(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOkhqxaKqVs )
Should the elite intellectuals snob-down this genre as a true well of human commentary, I suggest they re-read their Shakespeare: Hal, the rapscallion youth, went on as Henry IV to rescue England from the Hundred Years War, thanks in great part to his adolescent bar-and-brothel wisdom. Both Romeo and Juliet played out their adolescent acquired roles to the sadness of their families. An even worse sadness plagued Hamlet, who never moved out of adolescence.
Science, relying on more than anecdote and parable (despite my own special thanks to Toby Keith) reached the same conclusions through the field of neurobiology, brain research. Thanks to the MRI and other non invasive techniques, scientists, who can now watch brains evolve, note that the brain changes over time. Prior to adolescence, most of the brain had fully formed, but here’s the kicker, except for the prefrontal cortex. This portion of the brain, its frontal lobe, controls learning and socialization. The maturing of the prefrontal cortex determines how adults organize plans and ideas, form strategies, control impulses, and allocate attention. These sound mighty necessary for leaders. By the time individuals has reached their late twenties, their brains have finished maturing. This most important tool has fully formed well before the period of time studied by modern researchers. His adolescent years did more than begin Lincoln’s biography, they shaped the outcome. Great events rest on how we educators help prospective leaders shape their stories.
Amazon.com lists 321,535 titles containing the key word “leadership.” Most of these books fall into two categories: studies of leadership patterns among adults; and self-help adult leadership books (teens tend to scorn self-help books.) When I narrowed my Amazon search to “adolescent leadership” or “teen leadership,” the combined number of books represented only one fifth of one percent of all the books listed in this field. If these books were stacked side to side down the center line of a high school track, with all the adolescent/teen leadership books arranged first, a runner would not even get back to the starting line before the books ran out. On the other hand the she would be lapped 240 times by the runner dedicated to completing the full collection. The field of leadership development grows each year, but, unfortunately, almost all of this is wasted on adult centered research, having little deep affect on how leaders act.
Those who end up “Living in your radio,” on the cover of Time magazine, or sitting in Congress did so because of the basic habits of mind that were cemented in place during high school. Can we determine even general leadership predictors? Can we throw away the self-help books and provide assistance where it really can do some good?
I argue that researchers need to shift their focus to where leadership forms; to paraphrase another parable (Luke 8:4-15) it is not the nature of the seed, nor what the mature plant looks like no matter how many followers nest among its branches; but rather how and where it is planted. Hamlet got trampled; Juliet choked among the thorns, Henry grew and brought forth the fruit of the Tudors. As an educator, I want to know how and what truly makes the difference: I have the seed how do I help it grow into the greatness it can become.
Never again will he or she be an adolescent!
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